moving on VS holding on

i got heck a lot of motivations from people who really mean a lot to me today ! i don’t need boyfriend to feel good about myself. alright, let’s put it this way. it’s not that i’m some kind of bitch. i might have a horrible past, but i’m not gonna bring that along once i have my dream relationship. i’m not the type of people who aren’t grateful for what they have in life. i’m dead sure that i’m freaking grateful that you came into my life, furthermore when you have changed me for the better, i felt as if i am the luckiest girl in the whole world. alright. and i’m not the type of girl who gives up very easily. i stop when i’m done not when i’m tired and devastated. i’m not that girl. i’ve been through a lot in this life, like A LOT. alright. and only this time i felt so freaking different towards someone which kinda creeps me out knowing that i need to put even more effort than ever. and i have done it. you are the one who let go of me, and you are the one who gave up on me, not ME. i have never given up on you, every single day. not even ONCE. i’m not tired to war, i’m just tired seeing that you aren’t fighting. so, i’m gonna try to remind myself that i have done what have to be done here in this relationship. you were the one who begged me for being strong enough to handle you, you were the one who begged me to save this relationship, and in all respect i have done it. but it is NEVER ENOUGH for you. so, i’m not gonna blame myself. like i got freaking a lot to offer. and you just ditched me like that, as if every single thing that i have done in this relationship means literally nothing, that you don’t even consider and think about it, well i’m fucking gone. maybe my job wasn’t to make you love me, but to show you that you are so much worth loving for. and that’s true. just, LEARN TO VALUE YOURSELF then maybe you can finally realize that i VALUE YOURSELF all along. loving you doesn’t mean that i need to be miserable in my life, doesn’t mean that i need to lower myself, doesn’t mean that i can’t get the best out of my life, I’M SORRY YOU’RE WRONG. i’m not being a selfish bitch here, i’m talking about reality. if i don’t restrict your life, DON’T YOU EVER TRY TO RESTRICT MINE. you can control me, to the certain extent. but it’s still me who own my life. and i allow only GOD to restrict me, not MAN. so, that’s what i learned from you that it’s fine if you want to badmouth about me, i don’t give a fuck and i won’t let it bring me down, i let it once, not twice. i’m not that stupid. just go ahead, hit me with the words you got and knock me down, i’m gonna raise up even more. don’t underestimate what i hid in me all along. i’m patient, but if you are so unhappy that you have to destroy my happiness, you should start feeling sorry for yourself. i wanted to feel sorry, i did, and i do, but then if you don’t feel sorry for yourself and let yourself devastated for the same freaking reason all over again, then why do i have to? you got rule, i got rule. i played yours, you should play mine. if you are just that stubborn to always want to win the game, i’m sorry, it’s my turn to win this game and out of your life. 

it’s kinda painful when people you really want to be with decide to give up. give up on you. sometimes, it still works out when one person stay strong and stand still and assure the one they love to hang on for a little more. but most of the time, it doesn’t. it is so painful, because you know that little hope still glows inside your heart. but nothing you can do. as in, we are walking down the road and you stumble upon a rock. you cry, you feel the pain on your knee, here i am reaching out to you but you are too preoccupied with the pain on your knee not knowing that here i am crying too seeing you hurt. then you yell at me saying that i am too selfish for asking you to stand and continue on our journey not knowing that i was about to raise you up and take you to some place to rest. yeah, love is sometimes being mistaken somehow. it’s been some weeks. it’s been.. tough. it’s been.. frustrating. but i’m learning how to live without you. i’m not forgetting, i’m just learning how to live without you. my heart grows even stronger and i’m on my way to get over myself. just so you know, the hardest thing in fact to do is live without you.